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On New Years and Old Fears

December 30, 2009

2009 was ten times better than 2008. At this point last year, I was watching cancer take its toll on my entire family, using the smallest and bravest of us as its target, and I experienced the devastation caused as the scaffolding in our lives crumbled below our feet. People were in the middle of either extremely difficult geographical situations fraught with impossible decisions, or they were mired in what can only be labelled as “life slumps”. The only time people got along was when they didn’t talk to eachother, which happened mostly because the two of us that realized our family needed time off from itself were honest enough to tell eachother so. I also said some of the worst things I’ve said to someone, maybe the worst things anyone has ever said to anyone, but at the time I felt it was all true and needed to be said before ten years passed between conversations. I still believe that what I said was true, but I don’t know if I’ll ever feel right about it.

2008 was the worst year ever created. For me personally, 2008 saw an incredible amount of stress from my old job because of co-worker ineptitude and my own lack of patience while waiting to make real-person money and receive real-person respect. I graduated from university, which took me a long time because I juggled this job while attending, and my graduation meant approximately nothing. A good friend of mine also had a tough 2008, a friend of his died and he had a lot of family pressures to deal with. I was in his wedding party this past summer, so it was a good time for us to think about better times. Another friend was dealing with the aftermath of a divorce, being pulled in several different directions all at once, and trying to figure out where he fit in with everything.

Fast forward a year to christmas in new houses, mostly devoid of disease or its symptoms, and no brutallly awful soul-sucking neanderthals around to manipulate and twist reality in order to feed off the generosity of a family in distress. Christmas this year was colourful, filled with interesting conversation, sarcastic jokes, rums and cokes, and good natured ribbing about the potential for some people to bring more babies into the world. Everyone got along well, and the elephants in the room shrunk before our very (metaphorical) eyes.

I’m enjoying my life on the ice, I’ve finally found a bit of respect, and for the time being I have a stable and healthy family. I have two worthy, strong brothers-in-law who, not they needed my approval, have proved capable (if not insane), parents that are figuring out middle age, a small group of dedicated, long-term friends, and a baby sister that is FINALLY figuring it out. So why can’t I sleep? I know we’re not out of the woods yet, but life is about doing the process, and not the result (phrasing is accurate).

Go Oilers.


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