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Just Awful

December 21, 2009

This is going to get worse before it gets better!

That was easily the worst hockey game I’ve ever watched. It was men vs. boys out there, even though St. Louis only had 9 shots half way through the game. The Oilers looked like they had jump because of two great individual efforts from Andrew Cogliano and Dustin Penner, but overall it seriously looked like they either each drank a sixer of Lucky Lager before the warm-ups or that they really wanted to get the first overall pick. Halfway through the first period you could see that the game was going to get bad before it got better, which is funny because a friend of mine who was watching the game from home said he thought the Oilers looked great. It’s bananas how different it is to watch a game live, and how much turnovers, bad decisions and dumb plays are exposed when there’s no ‘off camera’ to hide behind. Holy eff, what a terrible team.

Still, I like watching hockey, and I like seeing it live. It makes me feel arrogant to complain, but it’s not my fault that I can see a lot more from section 216 than Tom Gilbert can see from ice level. He looked like he was really trying to get into the play more often than usual to provide an offensive threat, but Gilbert must have thrown the puck away a dozen times, and his partner in crime, Sheldon Souray, wasn’t much better. Neither looks like they should even be in the league right now, let alone on the first power play unit. Oh wait, my boy Visnovsky has been into the sauce early this Christmas and wasn’t a real option, and Garbagekov was doing his best impersonation of himself. You know it’s rough when a post-game show caller wanted to see less Souray and Visnovsky and more Strudwick. I hope Jason is laughing his ass off right now because of the circus act he just watched from the stationary bike, but knowing the kind of dude he is, I’m sure he’s more dissapointed than half the guys that actually got to play tonight.

The only guy that deserves actual kudos tonight is Ethan Moreau. People all over this city would be freaking out at that statement if anyone actually read my blog, but no one does yet, so ha! Ethan got his ass handed to him by a rosy cheeked rookie with a clean, hard check. What did he do? Late in the third period of a well-executed ass-whomping? Moreau swings his stick lightly, knocks TJ Oshie off his boots, and proceeds to drive a cross-check into the back of Oshie’s mind. It was awesome. The idiots beside me jumped up and left, swearing and freaking out about how bad a captain Moreau is and how stupid the penalty was, probably because they wanted the Oilers to score 3 goals in the last minute of the game to tie it up. Ethan Moreau did what any captain should do when his team is getting their eyes pumped shut at home: something. How novel! Maybe get mad and take exception to the fact that outside of two AHL players no one on the team is big enough or allowed by their moms to throw a body check! One-eight’s stunt was the only sequence the whole game worth watching other than the two goals, it upped the entertainment value immensely, from zero to more than zero, and it sends a message to teams coming into the building as well as Moreau’s clueless teammates. I only wish that he had actually got into it with Chris Mason like the goaltender seemed to desire, that guy looks like he can chuck ’em.

So all in all, I’m still happy to go to a hockey game, even though it’s the worst arena in the league, the quietest and dumbest fans, and the worst, most boring team ever. Well, at least since I started writing about it. Serves me right!

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