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Go win the draw, then get off the ice, loser.

December 2, 2009

I learned a lot more about hockey when I took it less seriously and I started to watch the Oilers a lot more closely, in particular Jarrett Stoll. I liked his tongues-out, tiny-shinpad approach to defensive hockey, and I began to find myself behaving like him on the ice: winning draws, taking big slapshots that missed the net and stickhandling the puck way out in front of my body like a dumbass. And also receiving the worst pain of my life as pucks ripped my ankle bones apart. Whatever, I thought I looked like Doug Weight, and that’s really all I ever wanted.

I was one of those guys that got to take almost every single defensive zone faceoff for the squad, mostly because I had a lot of energy saved up as I would immediately leave the ice after winning the draw and one of my constantly-rotating linemates cleared the zone. At the time I felt like a total d-bag, but it seems that the Oilers would probably pay me a butt-load of cash to do the same thing these days.

Also, it it just me, or does Jarrett Stoll tap his stick on the ice, stretch his hands out and touch his feet with his gloves before he actually sets up for a faceoff? I think he did, because I started doing it, and I teach players that I coach to do the same thing. Plus it looks sweet, and the other twelve-year olds think you are having a seizure or something and often caught off guard.

WHITE GRAFS IF YOU SCORE 50

My point is that even though all I read about all day at work these days is how awful it is to win 8 out of 20 draws, but how awesome it is to win 12 out of 20. Seriously? Why? And aren’t half of these draws considered ‘draws’ anyway? (Haha, get it?!) If Sam Gagner doesn’t channel his inner Yannick Perrault and the puck bounces a few inches forward toward Alex Burrows on the wall and Sheldon Souray reaches his 9-foot stick and steals it, is that considered a win? Because it sure as hell shouldn’t.

In short, if I was only a little bigger, a little faster, and had better hands, I’d be in the show winning faceoffs and immediately vacating the ice to play PSP with the back up tender. But now I just get to coach and write about it because apparently anyone can do that. But it seems that a lot of them are pretty bang on.

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